Personal & Seminary 28 Aug 2006 08:55 am
Creating a life, part II
Not so long ago, I said that changes were afoot. I feel finally ready to blog about the most recent results of a process that I’ve been going through for the past few weeks or so. This is just another leg of the journey I started over two years ago, in my decision to go to seminary. Which, of course, is part of my lifelong journey of creating a life that is fulfilling, of service, and full of spirit.
A few weeks ago, on my other blog, I posted something about discernment. I was, at the time, in this place of not knowing, which I have become quite familiar with over the past couple of years. Knowing I wanted to center my life more on the spiritual journey, but not knowing how. Knowing I wanted to go to seminary, but not knowing where to go. Not knowing what kind of ministry I felt called to do.
One of the things that’s true about really sitting with that feeling of not knowing, getting comfortable with it, really letting it sink in, is that, actually, knowing comes, slowly, surprisingly, and unexpectedly. I have learned that I have a somewhat unusual process of discernment. Things kind of bubble under the surface, percolating, marinating, processing, then, in a bit of a rush, it all comes out, somewhat fully formed. Feels like a birth, in some ways, because it can be painful.
What I gave birth to this month was the knowing that my path has taken a turn in another direction. I came to realize that the kind of vocational life I would be preparing myself for here, in seminary, was a vocational life I didn’t want to pursue. Which, in a practical sense, meant it didn’t make sense to continue to go to seminary.
The result is that this will be my last semester in seminary. I’ll be taking some courses that combine some old and new interests of mine (more on those later) instead of the MDiv curriculum. I’ll emerge from PSR with a Certificate in Theological Studies, which is something I can hang on a wall, I guess.
And, the truth is, I feel clear and happy. I’m back in a place of not knowing, again, and things will be taking shape slowly. There are the usual practical realities to deal with, the new things to think about, and create. There are the dreams to try out, and maybe fail at.
I simply continue on the path. A spiritual teacher of mine said, "If you accept the challenge of your life, and embrace it – if you live it out fully, bringing yourself to the tasks at hand with all the depth of courage, wisdom, spirit and heart you can find within yourself — then you will serve life." That’s the path.
on 02 Sep 2006 at 8:49 am 1.Mata H said …
I recall the look on your face when I said that I felt I had been called to seminary, but not to ministry ..at that moment I wondered what chord in you that phrase had struck. I do wish you well in your quest. The world is wide.